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Before mediation starts, we will
have had separate interviews with each parent, to help
them know more about what’s involved in mediation
itself, and to let them decide if that’s what
they want, and to let us decide if its appropriate from
our point of view.
The decision to use mediation usually
results in several joint meetings; whoever sees the
parents individually will not normally then be mediator
an subsequent joint meetings.
Starting - the way that it works
is again explained to parents by the mediator, hopefully
in plain terms which everyone can understand, the mediator
will make sure that each parent has time to clearly
state what their concerns are, and what they hope to
get out of mediation for themselves, and for their children.
- all discussion is confidential and this is protected
by law
- mediation is a way of trying to reach a genuine,
voluntary agreement on whatever issues are in dispute,
or need to be worked out.
- during mediation meetings, the mediator will keep
overall control of the meeting, and over what is being
talked about ( so that discussion doesn’t wander
away from issues to do with the children and the separation),
- no one parent will be able to monopolise the time
available.
- parents themselves should always have control of
what comes out of mediation, and the nature or any
agreements reached.
Joint meetings are held at the mediation
office and are attended by both parents at the same
time, and by one of the organisations trained mediators
Mediators will always try to keep
an overall, even balance in discussion. They will intervene
when necessary to try to ensure that neither parent
feels powerless, or overwhelmed, or simply that they
are not being heard. Although what comes out of mediation
remains firmly in control of the parents themselves,
mediators will provide and offer options for possible
ways forward; the purpose of these will always be to
find a solution which takes full account of the childrens’
needs and well-being.
Mediation might result in temporary
or interim agreements between parents, or in agreements
which are intended to last for quite a considerable
time. It is often helpful after a period of time for
parents to have a review of how agreements are working,
or in fact at any time in response to a change in circumstances.
Agreements or arrangements that are
made in mediation can be written down as an informal
reminder for parents.
If they want a more formal record
then a written outline of the arrangement made can be
drawn up, checked out again with the parents themselves,
and then, wit their consent, passed to their solicitors.
These agreements can then be scrutinised legally to
make sure that everyone’s rights and responsibilities
are being protected, and then they are often used as
a basis of a formal legal agreement.
Where no arrangement is made and
no agreement is reached between parents, then the Service
does not give out any information did not seem to be
more helpful.
Mediators act as neutral third parties
who are committed to helping both parents and their
children, as opposed to an individual parent or child.
They are committed to helping the situation of children
whose parents are separated, and have a good awareness
and understanding of childrens’ feelings, perceptions
and experiences.
Mediation tries to help parents communicate
with their children, to be aware of their childrens’
experiences, and their understanding of the changes
which are taking place. In that way parents are helped
to take the childrens views and feelings very much into
account. During a separation this can be stressful and
difficult, but with some encouragement and support most
parents are able to do this informally and privately
with their children.
There will be times however, when
parents and mediators will consider the option of children
having the opportunity to express their feelings and
views as part of mediation.
Where this happens, great care is
taken that this is carefully considered and planned,
with the full and well thought out agreement of each
parent, and of the children themselves – some
children prefer not to become directly involved. In
any event it must be approached in a way that is not
going to cause even more difficulty for the children.
It should always be recognised that
children also have a right to confidentiality, even
from their parents. Meetings with children are simply
intended to help increase understanding, and to help
parents make decisions and arrangements which will work
successfully.
Other adults who have an important
part in the child’s life, for example grandparents,
relatives, step-parents, or people in similar positions,
are welcome to make contact with the Service and discuss
what they might be able to do to help. However, the
mediation process itself will normally involve the two
natural parents, and any exceptions to this would need
to be agreed by everyone concerned as being helpful,
including the mediator.
Mediators will give information,
guidance, and comment on options open to parents, however
they do not give formal legal advice or offer individual
or joint therapeutic counselling to the parents.
Mediators working for Family Mediation
are experienced professionals who have completed specialised
training provided as a national level by Family Mediation
Scotland. They work to strict guidelines and codes of
practise governed by the UK College of Family Mediators.
Our service has specialised in family
mediation work for 10 years, and we hope that you can
benefit from that depth of experience.
Please ensure that you use only approved
and recognised mediation services, always check if you
are unsure.
Family Mediation Ayrshire 01563 572429
1st Floor Offices
28/30 Grange Street
Kilmarnock
KA1 2DD
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